Coping With Miscarriage & Loss
Pregnancy is a transformative and joyous experience for many, but it doesn't always unfold as planned. We want to shed some light on a topic that many shy away from – miscarriage. Unfortunately, miscarriage is a common, yet heart-wrenching occurrence. It's estimated that around 10-20% of known pregnancies end in miscarriage. Having worked with individuals who have gone through miscarriage, here at FPH Wellness we understand that behind each statistic is a unique story. The loss can bring about a rollercoaster of emotions that only those individuals and couples who have experienced it firsthand can truly understand. As we continue to offer guidance to our clients, we value your unique journey and are honored to have the opportunity to provide support to this community. Miscarriage is not just a medical event; it's a profound life experience that shapes the course of your emotional landscape. We hope to break down the walls of silence surrounding this topic, fostering a community where individuals can find solace and strength in each other's stories.
Acknowledging Grief: Miscarriage often brings with it profound feelings of loss and grief. It's essential to allow yourself to experience these emotions without judgment. Everyone copes differently, and there is no right or wrong way to grieve. It's a deeply personal process that may involve sadness, anger, guilt, and even confusion. Accept where you are in the process of grieving and give yourself permission to feel your feelings without judgment.
Understanding the Healing Process: Healing from a miscarriage is a gradual and individualized journey. It's essential to give yourself time and space to grieve. Just like the physical healing your body goes through, your emotional healing is equally important. Allow yourself the grace to navigate the healing process at your own pace. Know that moving through grief is often not a linear journey. There will likely be easy days and hard days over time. A year down the road it may still feel as if everything happened yesterday, or it may feel like it happened a lifetime ago.
Here are a couple examples of ways to reframe some thoughts that may pop into your head while moving through grief:
“I shouldn’t feel so sad, I was only a few weeks along.”
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“What I’m going through is hard, and it’s normal to feel sad.”
“It has been years since our loss, why am I still upset?”
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“I know that grief has no timeline, and some days will be harder than others.”
Relying on Support System: During such challenging times, seeking support from loved ones, friends, and/or a professional can be crucial. Sharing your feelings with those who understand and empathize can provide comfort and a sense of connection. Don't hesitate to lean on your support system and communicate your needs.
Seeking Professional Help: Don't hesitate to seek professional help, especially if the emotional burden becomes overwhelming. Here are some signs that may indicate it's time to seek professional assistance: inability to cope, intense or prolonged grief, physical symptoms, isolation/withdrawal, disruption of daily functioning, intense guilt or self-blame, thoughts of self-harm or suicide, and/or lack of a support system. Therapists, counselors, and support groups specializing in pregnancy loss can offer guidance and coping strategies tailored to your unique situation. Therapists and counselors are typically trauma-informed, while loved ones may not know how to respond to what you’re going through. It can be comforting to talk with someone who knows how to respond with empathy and trauma-informed care. It's important to remember that seeking help is not a sign of weakness, but rather a sign of strength and recognition that additional support can be beneficial in the healing process.
Communicating with Your Partner: Couples often face unique (and sometimes different) challenges when coping with miscarriage. Open and honest communication with your partner is vital during this time. Share your feelings, fears, and hopes with your partner, and encourage them to do the same. Nurturing this emotional connection can strengthen your relationship as you navigate this difficult journey together. If this is an area you need support with, consider utilizing a couples therapist that can help facilitate open communication.
Honoring the Loss: Finding meaningful ways to honor and remember your unborn child can be a healing ritual. Whether through a memorial service, planting a tree, creating a personal tribute, or traditions around the day of loss, acknowledging the significance of your loss can provide a sense of closure and peace.
Embracing Hope for the Future: While coping with miscarriage is undoubtedly challenging, it's helpful to maintain hope for the future. Many individuals who have experienced pregnancy loss go on to have healthy pregnancies. Embracing hope doesn't diminish the pain of the loss but can help you move through the journey towards healing.
Coping with miscarriage is a complex and individual process, and there is no one-size-fits-all solution. Be gentle with yourself, seek support, and remember the journey of grief and healing has ups and downs. You are not alone, and with time, understanding, and self-compassion, you can navigate this challenging chapter and find hope for the future.
